I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
