I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
