A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
