Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
