I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
