shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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