I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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