MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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