I think I won the penis lottery.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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