i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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