**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
