Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Randomize
