Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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