i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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