I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
