he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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