i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
