4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
