i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
