It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
