I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
