just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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