You work out of a Hotel?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
