How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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