maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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