i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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