dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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