also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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