Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
