You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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