I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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