...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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