I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
