All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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