oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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