Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
