escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We talked him into tasing himself.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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