Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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