My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
