Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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