In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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