my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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