and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
