Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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