i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Randomize
