May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
