Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
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