hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
