rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
