I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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